Waiting

Waiting. That is what I have been doing lately. My beautiful wife is pregnant with our first baby, a son, Noah Mark. We have been filled with great anticipation as we have been awaiting his arrival. Today November 29 as I write this she is 2 days past the November 27 due date. I sat today in the doctor's office with my wife thinking about how frustrating it is to wait sometimes. You plan on doing things all the time. You plan on going on vacation, you plan on going to the grocery store, you plan on doing projects, etc. As you plan these things you realize the control you have and must take in order to accomplish the plans you have made. With a baby you can plan, but you have no control. For months now we have been decorating and designing the baby's room (which, not to "toot my horn" so to speak, looks pretty dang awesome) and we have accomplished much. But as we wait for Noah to come we have found ourselves overwhelmed with the desire to see him, and hold him, and kiss him, and goo goo him, and all the other things you do with a baby, but we have no way of bringing it (the birth) to fruition. We wake up wondering, will today be the day Noah makes his entrance into the world and begins his journey in this thing called life? Each day has ended, thus far, with "maybe tomorrow." No control. I find that hard to deal with. I have discovered something about myself that is a little irksome. I do not like to wait. I do not like things, including the workings of nature itself, detracting me from the plans and desires I have. I am much more comfortable when things in life go my way, and when I have the control to effect the things in which I desire to accomplish. As the doctor told us today that my wife had not progessed anymore than the last time we came I began to moan and whine in my mind about how frustrating it is, "why will he not come out!" I grumbled. Then it hit me. As my wife was lying there as the doctor was probing and poking at her I saw the look of utter discomfort. As she waddled down the hall as we left I realized if anyone has the right to be frustrated with waiting it was her. She is the one carrying around the extra weight, having the difficult time sleeping, getting up from a chair and even walking, yet she is drunk with joy that she soon will be able to meet her son face to face. Sure she is exhausted and a little frustrated that nothing has changed, but only because she can't wait to be a mother to her little baby boy! Me, yeah I am excited about being a dad, but I am also a little pissed that I have no idea when he is coming, and I have no control...waiting...I know this moment of frustation will be a mere speck on the pendulum of time, especially when for the first time I see his face and look into his eyes, but as for today I am frustrated...and yet, still waiting...